gratitude, thricely

This time last year I wrote about gratitude, and I feel the same today. Thricely so, in fact—3 has been a prevalent number this year. I am in the third year of my current decade. For the third year, I helped organize Chantlanta. I attended Burning Man for the third time. My yoga studio also celebrated its third birthday/anniversary this year. And now this blog moves into its third year.

Clearly, 2009 and 2010 were years of launching, which I recognized at the time—starting a yoga studio, organizing a music festival, and traveling for several weeks out west. In all those instances, I felt compelled to do what I had not done before.

In contrast, this blog felt like an exception—in part because I resisted creating it for so long. Years ago, I used to send drafts to my best friend, for no particular purpose, since I didn’t care to share them. She urged me to start a blog, but I thought the effort was pointless without a clear objective or direction.

But for once someone else’s stubbornness trumped mine, and eventually I caved in spring 2010, when I started the most minimal blog possible—all text, no photos. I knew it was visually underwhelming, but I was certain no one would read it, let alone like it. Consequently, of course, my actions assured that outcome: I told no one, except my best friend. Obviously, no one else read it. Even more ludricrously, I used an alias. Seriously? Sadly, yes.

And then I returned to bigger preoccupations. For nearly a year, I had wanted to leave my (mildly) corporate job. Helping direct a yoga studio and organize a festival were rewarding diversions, but I couldn’t deny my unhappiness. The still-tanked economy, however, continued to offer nothing better for which I was qualified, and I was too afraid to quit without something else available.

I desperately wanted perspective, and three weeks out west served me perfectly—nothing familiar, no patterns, mostly solitude. During that time, I decided that I should leave my job, even if the next step didn’t have a clear objective or direction. The universe complied—by the time the literal playa dust settled after my trip, I knew my job would end in three months.

And thus began my frantic search for employment. Writing, always subordinate, was a break from job-hunting. After two months, because I had no leads save minimum wage jobs, I told myself to pursue anything with potential. In other words, nothing, in my desperation, was too far-fetched. I began researching various independent schools and cold-emailed or called ones that I liked, even if they didn’t have any job openings posted.

Meanwhile, my best friend, ever-encouraging, perstered me to share my blog with others. As before, I was distracted; my defenses were weak. Despite my nerves, I posted a link on Facebook. And then figuratively hid under my bedsheets, terrified of the reaction.

SK © 2012

The responses, both appreciative and complimentary, led me to reconsider my inconsequential side project. I changed platforms in order to add photos more easily, since they, like my writing, had been seen by no one. In mid-November, the blog relocated—just like in real life, it got a new address.

Originally, I considered this blog simply a side outlet to organize my thoughts, far less important than everything else. Now, when I consider the timing, I’m struck by how much the decision to start this blog aligns with all the other shifts happening around that time. Less than a month after starting this version, in the last week of my former job, an independent school hired me for the upcoming semester.

This blog is not a deviation from what naturally belongs in my life—rather, it reflects how I live more authentically, ever since I abandoned the structures and expectations that limited me. In this time of threes, I see so much of what I value most in my life having emerged around the same time.

Thricely. Even my band is a trio. Moving into the third year of this project, I more deeply appreciate the structure around what I have spent so much of my life doing, even without having some heady intention at the beginning.

That said, I still can’t answer when people ask what I want to “do” with it. For example, I rarely publicize. But perhaps I should? And how? 2013 brings another 3, after all…

3 x 3 x 3
SK © 2012

∞ Thricely grateful to Rhonda, whose encouragement made this all happen.

SK © 2012

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About stephanie francesca

Stephanie Francesca lives a life of eclectic and ecstatic passion. In no particular order, she is a writer, yogini, musician, teacher, nomad, lover, thinker, reader, dancer. She strives to balance effort with surrender, precision with laughter. Live life, love live, live love.
This entry was posted in community, gratitude, identity, travel. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to gratitude, thricely

  1. Sues says:

    “I still can’t answer when people ask what I want to “do” with it.” Neither can I 😛 nor do I feel like we should need to. Sometimes mine is for sharing with family, sometimes just for me to remember an order of events, sometimes to encourage my friends, sometimes as a babybook, sometimes to drop hints. 😉 We can’t be boxed in & defined by “what we want to do with” them. 😀

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