Another September, another equinox. On the vernal equinox, I posted about moving into the light of spring. And now, in autumn’s balance to spring, I consider moving into the dark, towards winter.
Generally, we humans prefer light to dark. The parallels of light to good and dark to bad are too numerable to list fully, though my highlights (ha ha) are Kali (the Hindu goddess associated with time, death, change, black), enlightenment, Darth Vader, the horror genre in general. Even “blondes have more fun” or “gentlemen prefer blondes.”
But I have come to appreciate my darkness. Not because I have found my best qualities there, but because it is the greatest teacher. Now that I have lived through several passes of it, I recognize that darkness has taught me how to focus my light. Like yin and yang, darkness and light define each other, rather than exist independently.
Every day I live the benefits from the journeys into my own dark. And though I am certainly not nostalgic for those abysmal times, I am grateful for them. Seeing clearly how I can sabotage myself, acknowledging what I don’t want, feeling the consequences of poor decisions—all of that has enabled me to live more fully and authentically.
My inner work is thus to be be present in my dark moments, despite the inevitable resistance. When I encounter my own fear, nerves, anxiety, frustration, doubt, jealousy, resentment—rather than run from them, I should run to them. Yeah, more likely that I will drag my feet. Nevertheless, I will meet my internal opponents. Exploring, knowing those shadows empowers me to create more light.
Living in so much light and love now is possible only because I endured so much dark. In other words, just as darkness anchors my roots, darkness fuels my light. Diamonds, for example, are created from intense heat and pressure found in darkness—definitely not a relaxed or sweet metamorphosis. And yet they are among the strongest, most remarkable matter we have ever encountered. Likewise, my intentions, my dreams, my work, my creative projects have all benefited from my willingness to face my shadow self.
SK © 2013